Oh little did you know...

Ugh.. I can't help it. Yesterday you admit you liked me. Now today you try to make something happen. I already told you I wasn't ready. Why can't you understand? I always say "I hate you," why can't you just believe it is true? I don't know what to do anymore. I am officially confused and lost. I told you, you shouldn't have fallen. I knew bad things would have happened. Yeah, I know it's a crush, but in the end it will hurt us both. I don't want to see you hurt. That hurts me so much more than you think. I liked how you said that you're willing to wait, but it's not worth it. I am not worth it. Trust me when I say it, because truly I'm not. Look at what I caused! I can't believe I created all this.. I know you probably hate me now, but I have my reasons. All this isn't worth it. Maybe I wanted to give it a try, but I can't. I still don't get how and why you would ever fall for me. Believe me when I say, you'll find the perfect girl for yourself, because I know I can never be her. You'll be happier this way. I hate seeing you sad. Please, just let go. It will be worth it, and I promise you that you won't regret it. When you find the right girl, you can thank me then. This girl won't ever disappoint you. She will always know what to do in order to make you smile. I can never be that girl. You don't know how much it is hurting me right now... but it is for the best. We are just young, trust me that this is just a phase. You don't realize how much I care, I want you to have the best in life. I want you to be happy. With me, you will never be happy. I can't let that happen. I told you, you should have stayed away. Just let it be. I get it if you don't want to see me or ever talk to me again. I get it. Only if you knew why. I'm just trying to be the best I can, making everyone around me happy. Too bad I'm cursed with this bad luck. I hurt everyone around me. I'm sorry for hurting you. I never intended to. I never knew that this will happen. I want to tell you so bad, but you'll think I'm stupid. Plus, you have a secret admire already. I can't hurt her. I never liked hurting people, but I do. Whatever I do, in the end I hurt someone, either mentally or physically. I don't want us to be on bad terms though, I still want us to be close friends and always chill with each other. I think I might have ruined that. I get it if you won't ever talk to me. I have my reasons, but I'm scared. I want to tell you so badly, but you would be less hurt this way. You probably think my reasons are pretty minor. It will never work. In the end I'm suppose to be alone, so I can see everyone happy and let everyone have their ways. I just want EVERYONE happy. Why must it be this hard? Even if I did agree, we wouldn't be able to get anywhere... maybe we aren't meant for each other. You made me think so much. I told you, I make many sins. Why would you want me, when there are SO MANY GIRLS out there? Others who are basically perfect for you. Me on the other hand, who isn't. You'll end up hurt with me. Oh how much you really know what's going up in this head of mind. If you did, you would know why. Probably think I'm stupid, but I'm willing to let you go if it makes you happy. Oh little did you know, the truth which lies behind all this. Just promise me, that you will be happy. Why must things be so complicated? You should just forget about me, it will make everything so much better and easier.

Stupid Birthday.

Today was my birthday, but it didn't feel any different. What's the point of birthdays? Especially if you aren't worth anything. I don't get why people even try to celebrate my birth. What's there to celebrate? I have no purpose in life. Why bother celebrating and waste your money? My birth is nothing special. I am not even need in life. I don't get how I was ever born, when I was never even given a purpose. What is my purpose for living? The answer is that I have no point in living. I was born for nothing because I am useless and can never seen to do anything right. In life there is no room for me, and no absolute reason for me to keep living. The question that always floats in my head is "Why was I ever even born?" This was another of my STUPID birthdays.

I'm freakin' STUPID.

Today I thought just MAYBE.. just maybe, that I would get over it. I guess it doesn't work like that. I learned I INCREDIBLY stupid. I'm disappointed in myself. How could I let myself gain that grade? I expected better from myself. Why must I be so STUPID. I hate my Stupidity. My lowest grade I have ever got. Even if the teacher said it can be change or "deleted" if i do better next time. I think that's Bull. He probably just hates me (who doesn't) . What makes people think I can actually do better? How did I ever think my intelligence was ever even average? I gained my worst and lowest grade EVER. I never thought I could have done THAT bad. I regret even TRYING to focus in that mess .. called a "classroom." Isn't a classroom suppose to be a place where minds could concentrate at peace, learning? Writing a persuasive essay is suppose to be about YOUR opinion. How can it ever be graded? Isn't it suppose to be about expressing your thoughts about the topic? Well, my bad. *I couldn't focus in the "classroom" and I couldn't express my thoughts on the opinion. Opinions aren't suppose to be judged. But I guess my opinions got judged. I'm sorry I couldn't focus. I still can't believe I got that C+! I so STUPID , that I couldn't even ace the essay. I'm a loser who couldn't even ace a persuasive essay. My stupidity is SO stupid. That how stupid it is. I just wish I could have gotten at least a B. >.< I thought I could just forget about it, but it impossible.

Don't go looking for love; let it find you because thats why its called falling; you don't mean to...you just do.

If two people are in love, just date already. If your so sure about the feeling just tell her already. I know that you feel guilty for all the things you done to her, but its not all you fault. Do what you want. Is your feelings towards each other strong enough, to go through the obstacles? The obstacles are just tests to see if your love for each other is actually strong enough. Don't let each other go just because of one problem. Give it a try and see if it was worth it. All the pain and guilt is just drowning you guys down, deeper and deeper. If love was meant to be, it will stay and find its way. In order to face happiness you have to face the pain."In order to have a rainbow, there has to be rain." Love is a treasure, so it will be complex finding it. If I could take ALL the pain and guilt away from both of you two, I would. Even if it means that I will be hurt, I don't care and I am willing to face it. Remember: Don't go looking for love; let it find you because that's why it's called falling; you don't mean to...you just do.

I wish I could take her pain away.

I don't want to see my friend in pain. I would rather take the pain away from her. If i take it away from her i have to put it somewhere....I would just put it on my self..I already been through many depressions....and they're still with me. I just wish her pain will Be gone. I hate to see people like this..all in pain and depression. I would take depression and pain from anyone, especially people around me and people I care about..(people who are close to me). Only if....i could take it all away from her. She seems really damaged...I rather be the one damaged (more than i am). I don't want to see her or anybody in pain or depression ..ever.. I understand pain and depression is part of life but i just don't like seeing anybody in it. I just wish i could take all depression and pain away. Only if i could... take all her pain away.....